Arranged?

I recently heard about a case where a girl’s very strict and pro arrange marriage father found out about her relationship and you could guess the kind of response his discovery elicited. Yes right, “it’s either family or him!” he ordered. I don’t quite know the status quo but all I can do is pity the plight of the girl for the daunting task that lies ahead. I’m prompted to ask: what’s so wrong about love marriages?! In a part of the world where dating is now quite a norm and an accepted idea and individual rights are emphasized upon, why are there still a significant number who tremendously oppose love marriages?

The most common argument I hear against love marriages is that when in love, both partners are at the “I need to impress” mode. They put up their best, do whatever it takes to impress their partner. It is after marriage that the couple get tired of the drama and you get to know who your partner really is. Problems then arise because both people behave so differently that it’s so hard for the other person to relate to. That’s when u hear stuff like “before marriage, he would write me poems every night. But nowadays he doesn’t even bother!” Does this point in the “love marriages don’t work” direction? I do not think so. The fault is with the individuals, not with love marriages. It’s the individual who fails to understand that relationships are about understanding your partner and not about trying to become your partner and doing everything that your partner likes. There are in fact many, many instances where love marriages lead to happy beginnings and endings. These are the cases where the 2 individuals have an insight to what makes a relationship work.

And then on arranged marriages, parents often insist that they know better and they themselves or a matchmaker would do a better job at finding a suitor for their daughter/son. Take for example my mom. She actually wanted me or my twin to marry a 27 yr old man!!! Can you believe it?! (I dunno if mom was serious but thank god he’s married now!haha) And this was after she discovered we already had bfs. The reason? “Oh he’s 27. No need to wait so long to get married. He has a car n he’s working already, he’s stable. Wad else u want?” tsk tsk. See, this is exactly wad i’m talking about. The matchmaker has priorities that are totally different or considered insignificant to the person involved. And yet parents think matchmaking would work? How so? You say you mean your daughter well and you’re finding her a match with her interest at heart.and yet you do exactly what repulses her like get her a match with little respect to her likings? with little respect to her rights that u deem them insignificant? Hmmmmmm. contradictory. I would say arranged marriages work only if the party involved is genuinely willing and is not forced.

I’m not insinuating that I am against arranged marriages or pro love marriages. I just wonder why there’s such a mindset to begin with. Why not accept it as it comes? If both the individuals concerned are pleased with a union arranged by the matchmaker, great. If they’ve fallen in love and wish to take their relationship to the next level and get married, so be it, let them be. Why oppose their decision? Why force upon your values and traditions on them? After all, marriage is the union of 2 hearts. What matters is both are happy. In my opinion, everything else is secondary.